Fear. Pain. Disgust. Desire. Ecstasy. You’ve learned to hold these states back. I’m going to show you the opposite.

At first glance, BDSM and tantric eroticism seem to occupy two different ends of the sexual spectrum. 

When you think of tantra, you might smell the scent of incense. Soft music. Singing bowls. Gentle caresses. Breathing exercises. 

With BDSM, you probably think more of cold chains, leather whips, and the smell of disinfectant.

I want you to leave these categories behind. My work in the sexual realm cannot be reduced to simple buzzwords. Tantra and BDSM both hold a place in my heart. Both are closely intertwined as mutually dependent aspects of my philosophy. 

When you encounter me, it is never superficial. I will draw you down into the depths of your consciousness, where you are completely at one with yourself and thus with the whole. Isn’t that what humanity has been seeking for millennia?

During my first degree in “Indology,” I wrote my bachelor’s thesis on the Vijñāna Bhairava Tantra, an ancient Indian text that makes astonishing statements about the Divine and how to attain it:

sarvaṃ dehaṃ cinmayaṃ hi jagad vā paribhāvayet |

yugapan nirvikalpena manasā paramodayaḥ || 63 ||

If one contemplates simultaneously that one's entire body and the universe consists of nothing but Consciousness, then the mind becomes free from thoughts and the supreme Awakening occurs. (Translated by Bettina Bäumer)

The Origins of Tantra

The Neo-Tantra movement has strongly shaped the image of spiritual, physical, and philosophical practice in the West. But Tantra is so much more than what we have made of it. 

Tantra is a path to spiritual enlightenment in (ancient) Indian philosophy. In contrast to comparable spiritual practices (such as Buddhism), sensual experience on the physical level is explicitly part of the practice. The beauty of the tantric path is that the body is not regarded as impure, but as a gateway to divine consciousness.

jagdhi-pāna-kṛtollāsa-rasānanda-vijṛmbhaṇāt |

bhāvayed bharitāvasthāṃ mahānandas tato bhavet || Verse 72  ||

When one is filled with joy arising from the pleasure of eating and drinking, one should meditate on the state of fullness. Then the great bliss will arise. (From the Vijñāna Bhairava Tantra, translated by Bettina Bäumer).

Sexuality is only a Spark in the Original Teachings of Tantra

However, using the sensual as a starting point for meditation is no excuse for aimless hedonism. Worldly temptations lurk at every turn of the tantric path and threaten to distract us from spiritual practice. That is why, compared to yoga, Tantra is considered the dangerous path to enlightenment. Ironically, it is precisely these distractions that we often understand as Tantra in the modern world. 

This is not entirely bad. Modern Tantra opens up a new approach to sexuality for many people. Abdominal breathing, vocal moaning, and body awareness are ways to relax and connect with ourselves, others and the divine. 

Tantra is not a singular teaching, but consists of various schools of thought. It is equally a religion, a spiritual practice and a philosophy of life. The modern understanding of these ancient scriptures also has their place.

And what does this have to do with BDSM?

BDSM is nothing but intense feeling. 

Whether bondage, dominance, submission or erotic pain: all practices under this umbrella serve to immerse oneself in a world of emotions that otherwise often remains closed off. That is what makes BDSM so appealing: We let go of expectations and external pressures and thus experience something extraordinary.

During the intense moments of a session, some slaves experience a state of ecstasy and complete fulfillment. In the scene, this phenomenon is referred to as “subspace” and is comparable to a form of ecstasy or silent, unconscious meditation. Ancient Indian texts, such as the Spanda Kārikā, also state that intense states can be used to connect with the omnipresent, divine consciousness:

Atikruddhah prahrsto vã kim karomi iti vã misan ||

Dhãvan vã yatpadam gacchet tatra spandah pratisthitah | Chapter 1, Verse 22 

When someone is extremely angry or overjoyed, or pleads in despair or helplessness, “What am I to do?”, or when one runs for one’s life: In all these moments, a state of intensity arises and one becomes connected through the energy of vibration (own translation).

Receiving divine energy also plays a role in the context of worship and submission. When you surrender yourself to me, I become your Goddess. My body can then infuse you with divine energy and transport you to boundless states.

How I Combine Tantra & BDSM in My Practice

Of course, it’s not as though you’ll fall into ecstasy and enlightenment with a snap of your fingers. Anyone who wants to combine BDSM and Tantra must take the necessary time and effort to do so. Meditation and achieving higher states of consciousness require focus and regular practice.

I notice that many of my submissives approach kink from a mental level. Their desire is shaped by specific fantasy-constructs and a focus on the external: Outfits, materials, toys. A thousand thoughts race through their minds: Am I doing this right? My mistress looks so beautiful. I wish she would spit on me right now. Why can't I get hard right now? That pinches—should I say something?

But when we turn our attention inward and perceive every stroke, every caress, every sensation, such distractions fade away. Feeling is a more powerful stimulus than seeing. Close your eyes and truly perceive what is there. You will feel much more intensely than if you kept your eyes open.

At the beginning of a session, I’ll briefly explain the philosophy to you and then guide us through a shared meditation. This can serve as the transition to a sensual, meditative play, during which I’ll guide you into relaxation. You’ll fall deeper and deeper into the sensory experience. And you won’t crash—you’ll fly. In the words of the Vijñāna Bhairava Tantra:

kṣutādyante bhaye śoke gahvare vā raṇād drute |

kutūhale kṣudhādyante brahmasattāmayī daśā || Verse 118 ||

At the beginning and end of sneezing, in a state of fear or sorrow, (standing) on top of an abyss or while fleeing from a battlefield, at the moment of intense curiosity, at the beginning or end of hunger; such a state comes close to the reality of Brahman. (translated by Bettina Bäumer)

This astonishing description paints a radical picture of divinity—one that is completely value-free and encompasses everyday feelings, cruelty, and strong negative emotions alike. 

Applied to BDSM, this means that it is not merely about enduring emotional and physical states. I want you to perceive them fully and consciously, thereby entering a higher state. We liberate ourselves not in spite of our suffering, but precisely because of it. Gentle. Pleasurable. Painful. All of this is part of the tantric experience.

kiñcid aṅgaṃ vibhidyādau tīkṣṇasūcyādinā tataḥ |

tatraiva cetanāṃ yuktvā bhairave nirmalā gatiḥ || Verse 93 ||

If one pierces any limb or part of the body with a sharp need or any other instrument, then by concentrating on that very point, one attains the pure state of Bhairava [ divine consciousness ] (Vijñāna Bhairava Tantra, translated by Bettina Bäumer).

Would you have thought that pain could be part of the tantric practice? According to tantra philosophy, there is nothing that is excluded from higher consciousness.

The divine is in everything: even in our deepest perversions, the feeling of latex on our skin and in speaking the stop word… One must simply be willing to open oneself to this wonderful experience.