Do you really know what you want? And can you express it? 

Consent in BDSM is more than just nodding and letting things happen. Mutual consent means that we clearly communicate our desires and fantasies (but also our limits). These considerations play a central role in an encounter with a dominatrix. You should know how I play, my expectations and the framework within which we operate. That's why I'm explaining my philosophy on consent in the Femdom world in detail here. 

Crossing boundaries is not a merit

 Many subs think that the ideal slave has no boundaries and lets his mistress do whatever she wants with him. That's wrong.  

Boundaries are only exciting if you can play with them. Boundless devotion is not only unrealistic, it's boring. As a sadist, I want to enjoy seeing you reach your limits and overcome them. To do this, you need to be in touch with yourself – a challenge that not all slaves are up to. 

When you're hanging from a hook in the ceiling, your mouth gagged and your arms tied, you should know the limits of your body. For your own safety (and mine), you should be able to perceive and communicate how close you are to fainting, for example. This is, of course, an extreme example, but it applies to many other situations. 

When you submit to your mistress, you entrust her with control over the situation. It is important to me that you do not act out of pure lust, but that you can realistically assess the risks. Only then will we discuss how a session between us can proceed.

How I regulate Consent in my Sessions

Life is downright dangerous. Whether in traffic, sports, or nightlife: we take risks every day. BDSM is no exception, and yet at the same time it is completely different. Because we negotiate and talk about what we do with each other. 

Consent is the principle that all actions and practices are agreed upon and take place by mutual consent. It is a cornerstone of the BDSM subculture and the core of my work as a dominatrix. At the same time, it is an almost philosophical question: How does consent work when someone screams no but means yes?

(A small tangent: This is what makes consensual non-consent so appealing: fantasies that play with deliberately crossing boundaries, where the “safeword” is ignored, where the dominatrix asserts herself and breaks boundaries. This is a difficult and complex topic that I will give its own space in the future.)

We are talking about risk-aware consensual kink here. Much of what we do in BDSM is inherently risky. We have to acknowledge this risk in order to play with it by mutual consent. For me, this means that I can rely on your communication. 

“Stop” is not a Stop Word: My Safewords in BDSM

I don't use “stop” as a stop word in my sessions, but rather the traffic light code for better communication about boundaries:

“Green”: This feels good, let's keep going!

“Yellow”: We're approaching a boundary, but I want to explore further!

“Orange”: Let's stop at the next opportunity!

“Red”: Stop immediately! 

Of course, we can also agree on a different system. In sessions where your mouth is otherwise occupied, I prefer to use a small object that I place in your hand. If you drop it, that's our stop signal. 

Only those who are in touch with themselves can serve me

In my long-standing relationships with my slaves, I have observed an interesting trend. After some time—sometimes weeks, sometimes years—some slaves begin to beg for practices that were previously taboo (e.g., scat or ballbusting). Not because they have suddenly acquired a taste for it, but because they want to please me.

Perhaps it's also because our relationship is so deep and trusting that they feel safe even when it comes to harder practices. The line isn't always clear, even to me.  Approaching a boundary is one of the most interesting moments in a session. I find it exciting to watch the emotions flash across your face. Some slaves are verbally expressive on their own, moaning, breathing and begging. This makes it easier to read their emotional state. Others still have difficulty feeling themselves. They don't recognize their own physical limits and struggle with the emotions that come up. That makes it more challenging for me.

I'm not inside your head (even if it feels that way) and I can't judge how you're doing from the outside.

If you cross your boundaries out of misunderstood devotion, you're not doing me any favors. Keep that in mind.

Consent for my Video Slaves: What I require from you

As a video slave, you are available for video shoots and photo shoots. This means that the power dynamic is not only between us, but that there is also a performance for the camera. This makes it even more difficult to maintain consent.

My video slaves receive a filming contract that clarifies usage rights and other legal details. We also discuss in detail beforehand in which areas you are resilient and can serve as a filming partner.

This role is not suitable for beginners. You should know your limits and be able to communicate them in advance. Only apply to be a video slave if you have experience with BDSM scenes and are generally robust and reliable. It's no use to me if we have to stop filming because you overestimate your limits.

Consent in a Dominatrix-Slave relationship: My Philosophy

We are border crossers in BDSM. And in addition to a firm hand, this also requires a certain sensitivity from both of us.

It is not always clear where the boundaries lie. Maybe you can go further than I expected. Maybe you need to stop earlier. Maybe you can't yet feel yourself and we have to practice communication and self-awareness. All of that is okay and allowed. 

It is important to me that our encounter begins on a realistic basis. Your expectations should be as clear as mine. Then (almost) anything is allowed in our session. 

Do you really know what you want? I want you to say it.

On the pictures: My very first shibari suspension with my loyal property.